this is not a longing

of the painful and delicious kind

when love and pain combine

"why are you not mine"


a longing can be turned

to a word, a song, a breath

heard by trees and winds and seas

but this here feels like death


I have a heavy rock

placed instead of heart and gut

pulls my chin, breaks my breath

I'm aching for a cut


My thoughts and dreams were turned

within your twisted truth

you promised me a home to rest

then took it all, no ruth


I was a solid dreamer

no pain could break my hope

though rock you've placed into my heart

has snapped all safety ropes


I never thought I'll walk this path

in fear and pain and horror

all things I took as good and true

I've laid them down in sorrow


How can I ever love again

when all the wells have died

and all the sparks I kept in care

were lost in darkest night


they say I dodged the bullet

no tear be shed for ridding well

spoiled milk that spilled ruthlessly

and brought a taste of hell


the man I loved is poisonous

a toxic blend of charm and ill

a mute to truth and numb to touch

my spine is filled with chills


but love I did and trust I lost

this man, he broke my heart

he took the hope and snapped my mind

how am I to restart? 


I pray to all the gods

please grind this rock to sand

I'll do all salty waters

I'll travel all the lands


I need this rock to crumble

and sediment to dust

and exit all my spirits soon

so I can return to trust


and hope will follow trust

and love will follow hope

and slowly they will spin a thread

that makes my safety rope


and once I'm safe and settled

in gut and heart and mind

my flight and fight will flow

and leave the rock behind. 



- cut me lose -