count them

After reading a reflective article on the lessons learned during her stay in a foreign country, I felt a little pinch. Have I ever counted my blessings? Have I looked back and gave credit, where credit was due? Can I look back and say I have learned x, y and z? I will give it a try, to put some thoughts into order and feel like I have done something with these days which have continually felt less and less productive. 

 

My past four years have mainly been spent in England, a country where I would have never imagined myself living. I learned to speak a further language up to native level, but still feel haunted when I make mistakes or fail to identify a certain expression. 

 

I never saw myself as a procrastinator per se, surely I struggled to focus for hours and hours on, but pushing work away was none of my main characteristics I'd say. 


Here we go. 


I learned of mental health, because mine went through a hiccup that felt like it lasted an eternity.

That might be my most valuable lesson, relying all my life on the brightness my mind shed onto my path darkened surely for a period as long as 4 years. My blessing is learning to let go. 


My blessing is to have a beautiful, wonderful sister like I do, who supports me through everything and is the best friend and mentor I could have ever asked for.


Is my mother who, in her little quirkiness, never fails to make me feel embarrassed in a good way of belonging to such a banana family.


My father, who healed from his own ailments and came back to me, which made me the happiest daughter I have ever felt.


My family enabled me to follow my studies in a foreign country, and maybe I seemed ungrateful at times as I was struggling with it along the way - but the truth is - you have me the power to gain knowledge  I would have never gained otherwise. 


My blessing is to learn and see something new each day, since I have started to heal. 


I have been working with young, very vulnerable people, have been put into leadership positions, been crafting every week, started painting again, making music, I took a house that I felt I deserved, I was taken into a beautiful friendship I thought would be unbreakable. I have admitted my own breakability. I have taken myself serious and took it back again. I got a wondeful part-time job which helps me recreate a part of mine I thought was dead. I have been lucky to work for an organisation that actually does really good things. I am proud of my work. I am proud of what I am learning every day. Learning more every day has humbled me. Having a friend whose name is humble, has humbled me. Going to Iceland and showing me the beauties of the cold has humbled me. I love humbleness. I fall onto my knees and hope humble covers me in her sheets and paves the paths I walk. 


I am lucky to live. I am so damn damn damn lucky. 

 

 

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Kommentare: 1
  • #1

    tracy harrison (Samstag, 08 Juni 2019 17:01)

    Thank you for this beautiful honest article...
    After the very sudden unexpected passing of my Mum four years ago my life was tipped upside down...thrown into to turmoil...darkness...
    Then in New Years Eve this year instead of making the usual same old resolution to change my life...my situation which I'm never able to keep...
    I decided to keep a small diary...also though would be just a short lived thing as I've never been able to keep one...
    My firtst entry was simple...Monday 31st December 2018..."Count you blessing"...
    then each day after that sonething just as simple...
    Until one day I woke up and realised my pages were full of words...positivity...happiness...insight...growth...
    I too started drawing again...after years of feeling like a failure...I jad been an Art student...studied hard...promising future...but something happened in life...a hiccup lets say and I gave my Degree up a few months from graduation...and along with it my art & creativity..my soul
    I also after thirty years of not touching my keyboard have started playing it again...I'm no musician but it nakes me feel so alive and happy...I've even been hearing my own music in my head and jotting it down...
    My love of life ...even though things are still not goingg so well in many areas... has been restored...and the spark of creativity once lost has been reignited in my very soul...
    Art...Music...Poetry...Nature...Beauty all around in the great and the small...and most unexpected places I find...
    Your words today have spoken to me and inspired me to continue growi g...and trying to create the better life I still dream of for myself and my beautiful daughter and our little dog.

    Thank you