12/12/12 a small diary

For 12 years now I have experienced these triple numbers

I don't remember them all, but some

01/01/01

the year I was going to turn 13

and will experience my first kiss

much much later that year

02/02/02

the year I will experience fail

and puberty on its full storm

the year I'll feel like someone

and started to numb myself

afraid of pain

03/03/03

I work hard to succeed

and hope to enter new worlds

but nothing is ever as expected

strong friends, first love

04/04/04

Rock'n'Roll

Here I am almost 16

thinking the world is MINE

and then the heart breaks

into fragile scatters of a shadow what once was

Never say no to a hand which reaches for you

4 is my number

05/05/05

Everything changes that night

Real love changes everything

I felt so strong with you on my side

06/06/06

Out of age

but not much older

such a lucky fool I am

writing poetry

breaking hearts every 3 minutes

getting mine broken into particles of dust

is this the real life?

The man told me I have a big heart

and I cry and cry and cry

what is the value of a big heart?

07/07/07

Failure

Failure

Berlin and Birthday

Failure

Failure

This year was not meant to be

but I am a soap star!

you have to love me!

08/08/08

Berlin

London

100 lovers

perfect eye sight

perfect poetry

love at first sight

storm of the storms

life is almost good

09/09/09

I made it!

almost a world journey

my old and dearest friend

I am free and chained to this elf

I am giving birth to my first own baby

10/10/10

Love so strong

I found home

I leave home

new country

new people

new life

this is unreal

who am I?

11/11/11

I've lost myself

find new pieces and make them one

emptiness

panic

solitude

what I need and what I want

why don't you love me?

The Journey.

Why don't I love myself?

here it is

life, love, wounds, scars, healers

I dive.

Literally, figuratively, passionately.

12/12/12

I start counting

and find 3.5 worst days

perfect ratio

I grow wings

I let you go

I try to be brave

happiness is the only thing which matters

noone and nothing can harm me

go back to colours

a fragile start

curiousity please never end

0000000000

I am 24 now

I don't drink (only on occasion)

Don't do drugs

I don't steal

I try to be as honest as I can

I work

sometimes I am lazy

I sing and dance because it makes me happy

I apologize when I am to blame

I care

and still you tell me because I don't believe in your Father God I am not going to heaven?

I don't believe in heaven nor in hell

but I believe most of you who point at others are hypocrites

27 days to go but I still believe this year was better than the one before

and before

Thanks to the people who show they care

the random ones, the spontaneous lovers and strangers

the great music

the good jokes

the seldom tears.